No More Dead Ends © Lesley Lupo 1994-2007
Consciously Reorganizing Your Subliminal Programming
“Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi~
Why do we make decisions the way that we do? What is the subliminal programming that is deeper than our conscious mind? This workshop digs down into the records that we all carry and helps us to get a look at what our deepest beliefs are and where they originated. By using specific exercises, steps can be taken to rewrite what is no longer applicable to our lives now. Learning how to set boundaries and about the subtle laws of Karma also helps us to stay centered and begin to manifest our choice of truly being happy. Core happiness is hard to shake; it is something that always renews itself.
1. Who’s Driving this Car?
This exercise starts with a detailed questionnaire that helps us see exactly what our belief system is. We must detail our definitions of roles that men and women play in our society today, and the values associated with them. By answering these questions, we actually take a closer look at our ideology.
A. According to Whom?
This part helps us to see the source of the definitions, and where we picked up our beliefs. What experiences did we encounter that left a message regarding our place in the scheme of things? Where is this invisible Council in the Sky that teaches us what we should be?
B. Rewiring the Hardware
Sometimes the information we gather in the first part is very surprising and we now get to begin the process of re-organizing the files. Bringing a subconscious belief into the conscious mind for inspection is the first step towards being in charge of ourselves. Sometimes that is enough to make changes. If it isn't, we go into the next step, Taking Back Choice.
C. Taking Back Choice
Many of us, while we were growing up, lost the idea that we had any choice in our lives. This is a belief that needs to be uprooted and thrown away once and for all. We will take our subconscious choice mechanism, bring it to our conscious mind, and keep it there by utilizing the following steps.
D. Writing 101
We start with a basic affirmation and start to write it and say it at the same time in order to begin to open the door of change. This is done concurrently with the other exercises.
E. The Power of Words
We begin to work at accessing the subconscious choice mechanism. The power of our thoughts and words in manifesting our future is discussed, and different modalities are brought in to offset any detrimental programs that we carry. We build other programs in which we are giving ourselves many choices in any given situation. This is first accomplished not by using positive affirmations that sometimes deny or cover-up the root feeling, but by acknowledging the part of us that is manifesting a particular belief or behavior. By embracing what we fear, we can move through it much quicker. We can then begin to repattern a positive, life affirming choice. This is a particularly empowering exercise.
It works by acknowledging something that we all must own, something that in the past actually meant "learned" (Old French borrowed from Latin) and "book" (Middle English). The word is authority, and I am speaking of having strength in our convictions, not in having power over another. Lack of inner authority is what leads to trying to exert power over others, or allows people to influence us in ways that we do not want.
2. Building a Sanctuary
In the Middle Ages, Sanctuaries were sacred places that even the King’s soldiers could not invade. We need to build such a place today on an inner level, and by doing so, understand the differences between Universal Love and Intimate Love. For those who have difficulty with boundaries, we use a hands-on worksheet that gives us a tool to apply discernment in all our relationship choices, be it family, friends, or partners.
A. Mapping our World
We begin this exercise by taking a form and mapping out our relationships that we interact with on a consistent basis. Friends, family, co-workers are all noted and we begin to realize the shades of grey that are possible in our relationships. We examine who we are most vulnerable to, and justify it.
B. Stop at the Red Lights!
Now we go back to look back at previous relationships. We tend to repeat mistakes until we learn them, so we begin by looking at past relationships whether friend or lover and listing the qualities that we were too late in discovering that led to a painful ending. We study how we missed those red lights in the very beginning of the relationship that were warning of a dead end, for they are always present.
C. Clue List
Building a Clue List allows us to have a reference to remind us of what we missed before. The actual process of writing this down on the map not only helps us to integrate it on a conscious level much more quickly than we could if we were just discussing it, it actually stays as a reminder of what we missed before. One of my clients during this part of the exercise noticed the same pattern of non-committal avoidance in past lovers, and then realized she was entering the exact same kind of relationship and ended it before she hit the dead end wall.
D. Looking at the Whole Picture
Often we sit in the ruins of a broken relationship only to say, “I never realized that he/she would treat me this way!” We have never run down a dead end road without seeing plenty of evidence beforehand. Use our experience to turn 20/20 hindsight into 20/20 foresight. No more surprises!
E. Trust is a Seed
This takes the time pressure off of us in order to allow us the time to build a solid foundation of friendship and trust. We use the common sense techniques that we use for our businesses, homes and possessions to guard our most precious part, our Heart and Soul. Trust vs. Mistrust is examined here.
F. Hearing What is Said
Does “I like you” mean “You are precious to me and I cherish your Being, your personality traits”, or does it mean “I like the way you make me feel”? Isn’t the second example narcissism? Hearing what is really being said is critical because we do tend to understand things through our dictionary and projections.
3. Circle of Life
The old wisdom that what goes around, comes around is explored here. This ties up all that we have learned so far and gives us back the steering wheel.
A. Golden Rule Pt.1
To really understand this Rule on all the levels, we need to explore all the aspects of this saying, which has been written in every culture. The Circle it represents is an archetypal symbol for being fully human.
B. Half Circle
What happens to the field of energy that flows around our bodies when the Circle is blocked? How does this affect the direction that we are going in and the opportunities that we encounter?
C. Energy Field for All to See
We rarely use logic in explaining why a particular friend or partner attracted us in the first place, some vague memory as we sit and try to piece it together. This is a way to see what we are subconsciously projecting and attracting.
D. It Is Better to Give than to Receive ~NOT!
Is this a saying that allows us to stay in our Sanctuaries? If we want to be equal partners in all our relationships, we need to begin to understand what a true Partner is, as opposed to a Roommate. Examining the differences between the words "receive" and "take" give us a very different message. "It is better to give than to take" is a healthier, less victimizing attitude. One should never take anything, for taking implies by force or trickery. Yet where would children be if they didn't receive, for example? What if they didn't receive the love, the wisdom, or the friendship, that they encounter in their lives? It is truly better to give and to receive.
E. Opening the Door
These are some tips to relearn the quality of accepting that you had as a young child. There are many ways to get the ball rolling, such as learning to delegate projects to others and learning how we should be asking for help or attention. Receive as graciously as you give so that the Circle can start flowing again.
F. Coddling Ourselves
Learning to receive takes two different steps. Receiving from others is one, but learning to coddle ourselves, to receive from ourselves, is another. People’s treatment of us is a reflection of how we treat ourselves. Belief in our worthiness is part of the whole picture.
G. Circles, Circles Everywhere
We can use certain visualizations to begin to honor the connections that are already present in our lives to the Universe, and the abundance that comes from it. Understanding our connection and the ability we have for accessing this level of awareness is explored.
H. Playtime
There is a need for unresponsible relaxation time in our lives. Not irresponsible, UNresponsible. A time when we are playing and enjoying our creative side without any scores to keep, records to break, or steps to learn. This helps us to begin the next stage for our Spiritual renewal.
I. Stop Light Center
Hearing something is one thing, putting it into practice is another. There are ways for us to begin to integrate the new patterns at a better pace. Ways to quiet the mind are examined with a few examples to consistently stay centered in a feeling of self empowerment. Learning to take The Pause.
4. Golden Rule Pt. 2
How do we now learn to protect ourselves from those around us that are aggressive? The flip side of the Golden Rule is discovered here; in other words, don't accept treatment from others that does not reflect how you treat them. How can we do this and keep our Karmic Record clean? One word: Consciousness.
A. The Flip~Flop Law
One of the easiest ways to judge how we are to react is to apply a measuring tape to the way that people treat us. If someone treats us in a way that makes us feel unhappy, the first reflex must be to take a step back and to say, “Do I do this (or say this) to other people?” If the answer is "Yes", it is time to rethink our own behavior and change it. If the answer is "No", then we have to realize that we do not have to accept it. That is the difference between settling and compromising.
B. Check Our Motivation
For the most part, people’s actions and reactions come from one of two places, Love or Fear. We learn to differentiate the characteristics between the two and see the clues that let us know the basic motivation for the reactions that we have.
C. Don’t Take it Personally
Everyone tells us not to take it personally, but no one tells us how to do so. How can we do that when it is someone close to us that is attacking? When we understand how motivation puts a spin on our behavior with such different karmic results, it is easier to disassociate from angry responses when we run into aggressive behavior. We learn here not to take things personally during this part of the workshop.
D. …And?
There are effective ways to let people know that your boundaries have been crossed. But what about those who refuse to listen, or are accustomed to stepping on your toes? Here are some very simple, nearly flawless techniques to pop the sails of the aggressor that is in your face without picking up unnecessary bad Karma, or enabling the abuser to continue to feed off your confusion. Also tools to teach you what to do the next time the same situation occurs.
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